Grief. What was your connection?

Dr. Patricia R. Williams-Cruz, LCSW

GRIEF

Today we still find ourselves in grief and mourning. “I did not know him personally, but I am so sad!†“I am thinking of the family…all of the families.†“…and, the children!†Just a few of the comments I heard as I went about today. There is no way not to hear about it; social media platforms full of images, stories and video about the famous basketball player, his daughter, her friend and family and others.

Impact

The impact of the helicopter crash is being felt around the world. Perfect strangers are joined in a grief community following this tragedy. I was most struck by the young lady who said, “…I did not know him personally.†I stayed with her a moment, listened intently, and normalized her sadness. I soon found out she had never known a person to die before. This is the feeling we do not want to have, ever. Because the reality is… the thought of something so final is just hard to take. Even if you did not know the person, watching from afar as the endless stories of death and destruction feed the airwaves and social media. You are not alone with your sadness. Somehow, someway you felt a connection to the famous person that dies. 

How did you connect?

Grief is a unique individualized experience. Whether you watched in captivation at the player’s near 20 seasons of basketball, heard about his dedication to family, coaching his daughter, or post-professional community engagement. You connected somewhere, and he is no longer here. Try your best to get an understanding of how you connected. It will be the answer to why you feel the way you do. Regardless of how well you knew someone, there is a reaction to loss and the eventuality to life without them. Better yet, knowing there is a family that will be without that person. 

Triggers

Perhaps, this current event triggered your thoughts and feelings of a death that occurred in your life. Finally, there is a chance the loss of a famous person’s life awakened the thoughts of your own unfinished business.

TIPS: What to Do

What you are going through right now is grief; your reaction to death. It is a real thing, whether you are feeling it or a friend. A few tips to get you through:
• Turn off the TV and social media for a little while. You could use a break from the news.
• Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Even if you did not know them personally, talk about your connection.
• Use your journal; write about how you are feeling. If you were a fan, what games or stories do you remember?
• Give yourself some time. Grief/mourning/bereavement is an individualized process.
• Stay active; get some exercise or do an activity that uses physical and mental engagement.
• Create something to celebrate life; digital archives are really popular.
• If you need more assistance reach out to a grief support group in your area.